Wedding Anniversary Emotions

LOLCat-need-a-hugz

Tomorrow is my third wedding anniversary. And I’m stuck in an emotional puddle of crap. It doesn’t feel like our anniversary. We’re not really celebrating until this coming weekend because he and I both have such long days during the week, it’s hard for us to celebrate anything in the 2-3 hours of home time in the evenings. And that’s fine; really, it is.

My emotional crap is centered around my NM. Our fallout centered around my wedding. And the last time I cut a major tie was when I picked up the rest of my stuff from her house and returned my house key the day after our first wedding anniversary. So this basically marks the second year since I cut her out of my life.

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Last exchange. Rebroken.

It’s pouring outside right now, and I feel like the weather is the only thing that understands how I feel. Here I sit in my cubicle. I want to curl up in a ball and never uncurl. I can feel the backs of my eyes burning with a desire to cry, but I can’t because I’m at work.

Have just had a last exchange with my mother. And it needs to be my last exchange with her. I can’t keep doing this anymore.

From start to finish:  Continue reading

New Year’s Bait

LOcat shun

I thought we were done. With Thanksgiving, Christmas and all birthdays out of the way, I thought I was in the clear for another nine months.

Oh no. No. No, I was not.

Instead, my NM sent me the following email:

Hi,

Just wanted to say Hi.

Is it still in your best interest for us to stay away from each other?

I still love my daughter and hope you are doing great.

Mom

After the past several years of her push-pull dynamic, I’m so tired of it I don’t have the energy to be properly angry. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed. Just in a tired kind of way.

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Holiday Shanking 2016…still continuing

LOLcat bite

I forward most of my NM’s emails to my therapist because quite frankly, I think she should know. After more than 30 years of not being able to prove the crazy shit that my mother says and does, it’s a nice change of pace. Incidentally, this is one of the main reasons my NM is restricted to email.

It kinda makes my day when my therapist calls me and leaves me a voicemail messaging saying, “This is one of the strangest emails she’s ever sent you.”

Validation: not just for breakfast anymore.

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Holidays 2016: The Shanking Continues

LunacyLolCat

She got me. I should have known better. Really, I should have. But she got me.

Let’s recap…

Her birthday is in October. Mine is in December. In September, she emailed me and asked me to not send her a birthday gift. She felt like she couldn’t reciprocate because my stepfather has been out of work for over a year and their funds are tight.

Fair enough. I chose to respond because it seemed like a legitimate communication and reasonable request.

I respected her request and did not send her a birthday gift.

Then, a few days ago, she emails me that despite their financial hardships, she is going to send something small anyway.

I respond to let her know not to worry about it because my husband and I are traveling for several weeks; we won’t be home to get it. So she agrees. Her exact response being, “Ok”.

I thought that was the end of it. I was so wrong.

Not 24 hours later, I got the following email.

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Holiday Shanking 2016

LOLcat cognitive disonance

Back in September, my NM emailed me to not send her a birthday gift because my stepfather is still out of work and she wouldn’t be able to reciprocate.

Okay. Fair enough.

I asked if this extended to Christmas. She wasn’t sure because he had some interviews and she was still hopeful, so she basically said, “We’ll see. I’ll get back to you.”

Okay. Fair enough.

Truth be told, it was the most civilized, positive, productive communication we’ve had in about five years.

Today I get the following email: Continue reading

she really really really wants to make sure I’m okay

LOLcat not a care

First, there’s the NM…

My mother emailed me again. This time, it was more than a handful of condescending words that made my brain boil.

Hi Erica it’s your mum just wanted to say I love you miss you terribly and think of you often I hope you’re having a great time I love you dearly

I was in a good mood. Didn’t experience any emotion at this new communication. And seeing as it included more words than her previous five emails combined, I decided to answer.

What can I say? Curiosity won out.

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